Succession
The eldest son of the previous leader became the next leader of the clan. If the eldest son had passed away before the succession, the eldest son of the eldest son became the next leader of the clan. If the eldest son did not have children, the second son became the next leader. These rules were sometimes bent with the wish of the former leader. When the next leader was too young or inexperienced, brothers and retainers of a previous leader acted as leader until the clan could be handed over. Dividing a domain had been popular in Kamakura and Ashikaga period but declined later as it often made the clan weaker.
Many samurai changed their name not because they did not like it, but because they were adopted into other clans. This was done for many reasons. The first and foremost reason is that many clans wanted a successor with high abilities and skills even if it meant throwing out sons of the previous leader. If that successor happened to be from a higher clan, so much better. While this had to be approved by shogunate or daimyo in Edo period, there were many instances. When the previous leader died without a son but with a daughter, it was common to adopt samurai from other clans into a clan and have him marry the daughter.
Samurai had a lot of children and faced with disease and wars, this often caused succession problems. These sometime led to a decline or even a disintegration and eventual destruction of the entire clan. Several steps were taken to avoid this problem. The adoption was one step and other was called Koukaku lit. decline in rank, where a son was given a new clan name and became a retainer and a vassal of their elder brother. Some samurai even became a merchants or farmers because of Koukaku.
Marriage
A marriage of samurai was done by having a marriage arranged by someone with same or higher rank than those marrying. While for those samurai in upper ranks were a necessity as most had few opportunities to meet a female, this was still done as a formality for lower ranked samurai. Most samurai married women from a samurai family but for a lower ranked samurai, a marriage with commoner were permitted. In these marriages, a dowry was brought by women and this was used to start their new lives.
A samurai can have a mistress but she was strictly checked by higher ranked samurai on her background. In many cases, it was treated like a marriage and a kidnapping, common in many fictions, would have been a shame if not a crime. When she was a commoner, a messenger would be sent, with a betrothal money or a note for exemption of tax, and ask for her acceptance to her parents. Many parents gladly accepted, and if she gave a birth to a son, he could be a samurai.
A samurai can divorce his wife for a variety of reasons with an approval from a superior. A divorce was, while not nonexistent, a rare occasion. An important reason would be if she could not produce a son but an adoption could be arranged. A samurai can divorce for a personal reason, even that he simply did not like his wife, but this was generally avoided as this would embarrass the samurai who arranged this marriage. Women could also arrange a divorce, although it would generally take the form of samurai divorcing her. In a divorce, samurai had to return the betrothal money and this often prevented a divorce. Some rich merchants had their daughters marry samurai to erase a samurai's debt and advance their positions.
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